Time to get UP back on the case
So, Casey Newton has accused me of stealing his plots. In return, I'd like to accuse him of stealing my family's van. Lindsay first suggested this possibility to me today on the way to class, and I think it makes a lot of sense.
Why would Casey have stolen my family's van?
1) Casey has a known van stealing problem. It's more than a crime for him; it's an addiction. Being around those enablers at The Daily hasn't helped.
2) Where was Casey late Saturday night (4/20)? Unaccounted for. His Weblog is hazy that night. It mentions only that he "retired to the couches" and listened to "an amazing mix tape" with "Nick Drake and Charlie Mingus." If I were making up names for imaginary people, I think I could do better than F. Scott Fitzgerald's rejects.
3) The police told my parents that Caravan thieves often toss the seats and use the vans to haul stuff. What could Casey be hauling? Perhaps, now removed from the public eye, the bitter old man's dream has come true. That'd be great.
I'm sure the Chrons will arrive in their campus newsboxes on time Thursday night. But, Casey, give back the van.
