Note to Seductress899
I'm no salesman, but I'm no fool either. You've got to get up pretty early in the morning to put the sell on me, whatever the wares you're pitching. I am polite but firmly declinatory with telemarkers, street vendors, shop clerks, and hucksters of other varieties. In fact, there has only been one person ever in my life who has sold me something that I did not want to buy. Dubbed "The World's Greatest Salesman," he is not you. Unless he has quit his job at Osco, which I doubt.
But his story is for another time. Let's talk about you. I know you've got a Web site; you sent me the instant message about it. I learned a great deal from the site. You're 23 and sadly live in a cheap hotel room. You're proud of America in the aftermath of Sept. 11 and still happy about what sounds like a joyous holiday season. You're a caring dog-owner but a weak copy-editor.
Nobody's perfect, right? Right. I should know; I'm in journalism school and screw up in my writing all the time! But between us, unfortunately, none of this stuff matters. Why? You see, Seductress899, it's about your usability metrics. You're a sweet girl and all, but you're not my type. I'm a new media guy. I need solid information architecture and above-the-fold, user-centric design. Sure, you've highlighted key words for enhanced scanability and stayed away from client-side scripting, but where's the search engine and detailed site map? Where's the regularly updated content?
It's not you, Seductress899. It's me. I appreciated your instant message and the included smiley. Still, polite but firmly declinatory — that's my way. I hope you understand.
But, before you go, can I offer you just one tiny piece of advice? From one friend to another? If you're going to keep spamming on IM about your Internet porn, maybe rewrite your pitch a little. Although it's only my opinion, it may not be best to begin your message: "i have a few pics on my site.. im not ugly."
January 2nd, 2010 at 3:55 AM
[...] help my suspicion. It wasn't like I ever confronted the mailman or, at the Osco, asked the world's greatest salesman how he pulled it off. The con was more of a framework. If you or I desired to abuse our English, we [...]