Inside the head of a meat thief
Lindsey Blackledge, 19 was arrested July 31 for possession of a stolen, 14-ounce tri-tip steak. My speculation on her thoughts:
I need a steak. I need it bad. I had a quarter-pounder with cheese for lunch, and it didn't do the job. Now it's up to me. But I know how to handle my hunger for beef. I got connections, you know? Freddy, he does the t-bones. If you want slices, you know, for sandwiches, like if you're going uptown to do a little entertainment, see Crazy Lady Sue. And Fat James, he's got the Slim Jim's. He's funny like that. Characters are characters, you know?
I thought you would, you fool. 'Cause if you're talking to yourself, you already know a lot of the answers. But you know what you don't have? Beef. Steak. Charred gold. Texas steer.
For this dealie, I got a call in with The Man. He comes through with primo cuts. Word is he's got a genuine, 14-ounce tri-tip steak heading down his pike. I want in. I want it mine. Something of this high quality merchandise-material, it's gonna be hot like a broiler, but I got the steam in my veins, baby, I can take it like an engine on the meat locomotive if one were to exist.
But if the cops get The Man over the spit and he moos, I got plans of my own. I got this spot, you know? Right underneath the sink in the bathroom. It's a quality spot. I cleared away the bathtub scrubber and my bucket of hotel soaps. Now the steak'll fit right in. If it's smelling too much, I'll spray some of my perfumes around in the air and the boys in blue will take me for a frou-frou girl. The vegetarians, they make it so easy.
With the meat inside, I'll shut the little door and play it cool. Once the cops come and go, me and my knife will have some work to do. Don't worry about us. Me and the knife, we got it all figured out. Things'll be just fine in Nation Marination.
