One nation under spam
Beau of The Prisoner's Dilemma recently forwarded a quality Nigerian e-mail he received. It begins: "After a discreet but thorough investigation at the Foreign Office of the Nigerian Chambers of Commerce, we write with absolute confidence in the legality of your company and the integrity of your person."
It's that kind of spam that makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. When a complete stranger writes and compliments you on your person, it restores your faith in basic human kindness.
Similiar is the e-mail I recently received from a bogus Yahoo account. "I want you to know that there is someone who loves you very much," the writer said. "After 42 years of struggling with the meaning of life and what the purpose of my life should be, I met a man named Jesus and He changed my life."
What he said made me think of The Weight by The Band. Take a load off, Fanny! Take a load for free! Free like the free bottle of Herbal Pro Penile Enlargement Pills you get with every purchase of Herbal Pro Penile Enlargement Pills. Or so Shelby Shirley said. You had to love his/her subject line, "Hey bro…."
I really prefer the Nigerians' "Dear Sir/madam." It offers more respect. Much like a fake college diploma, a growing spam offering. A recent one: "Do you want to increase your earnings, and gain more respect from EVERYONE?" Get a fake college diploma, and you can have all that and more. Havrard University is waiting your call.
And speaking of calls, how about that recall? You've got to continue to give credit to the Arnold T-shirt spammers on their timing. As short as the recall process was, they got their spam out there. When it was over, they didn't slow down. I got two within a week of the vote: "Congratulations Arnold on your California Recall 2003 Win!"
A portion of their T-sales, they noted, "will be donated to the Disabled Children of America." A Google search finds the only group by this name to be a punk band.
Which brings us to my favorite emerging spam sector: anti-spam spam. "FWD: Stop emails like this one."
