Strip tease
One can be expected to encounter sporadic theme days in the funny pages, supporting a cartooning cause or mourning a beloved cartoonist or the like. In Sunday's paper, we found the theme of gonad-thinking.
Back in 10th grade, scripture teacher Mr. Richards would chastise the all-male class whenever the class reacted as expected to Biblical innuendo or Biblical phrasing begging to be innuendoed. "Stop thinking with your gonads," he'd say.
Now I'm not saying the cartoonists got together and suggested a theme of suggestion, but there had to have been something in the air. Considering most comic strips are drawn four-to-six weeks in advance, what was it about mid-September that brought out lust between the lines? Does the changing of seasons bring out the pheromones in the funnies?
If so, here's your autumn action:
"“Sunday's Big Nate. We begin at the tame end. While playing goalie in a soccer game, Nate is distracted by his longtime crush Jenny. Gazing at her, lost in thought and jealousy, Nate lets the ball in the goal. Middle-schoolers all over the world sympathize.
"“Sunday's Baldo. High schoolers Baldo and Cruz cruise for young ladies at the local shopping mall. But they act like decent young men and come up empty. Middle-schoolers all over the world sympathize.
"“Sunday's Sally Forth, not published online. A casually dressed Ted Forth examines the family finances at the kitchen table. He raises his eyebrows and leaves the kitchen. He approaches Sally in the living room, as she sits reading a magazine next to the cat. Ted then implicitly suggests divorce and wife-swapping for money. "What if both of married rich people but stayed together as a couple?" he asks. Sally replies: "Checkbook not balancing out again?"
"“Sunday's Spiderman, not published online. Spidey springs to the window to go searching for The Hulk. Wearing earrings, makeup and a pink teddy, wife Mary Jane asks him to stay and have coffee. "There's something better than coffee," Spiderman says (emphasis his). "What do you mean?" she replies, feigning innocence. "Come here — I'll show you," he growls and kisses her. "After I find The Hulk, we'll have our coffee," he says. "Mmm… I think I prefer your better idea," she purrs redundantly.
Sunday's Zits. A festival of ogling. At least the protagonist is adolescent. The same cannot be said for…
"“Sunday's For Better or Worse. A 54-year-old man and an 82-year-old man leer at young women.
Rookie Cookie isn't mixing martinis yet, and there's no sign yet of "Meet Jenna Jameson." But could the creation of "The Maxim Page" be that far away?
