April 12, 2004 5:05 PM

28 million desperados can't be wrong

Does a distinction become more and less distinctive simultaneously? I now own the best-selling album of all time, 28 times platinum, the Eagles' Greatest Hits. Vol. 1. I'm not sure what the ownership says about my tastes. Thiller is already sitting on my shelf. Maybe if I ever buy The Wall or Zeppelin IV, I'll take some time to interpret.

At the moment, the only interpretation I can give is to the most suspect line of the Eagles' Already Gone: "And then you'll have to eat your lunch all by yourself." Because the narrator, you know, is already gone. Come on. What kind of put down is that supposed to be? Was eating lunch together that big in the '70s?

The line has its fans, but I don't buy the Eagles playing so small time. Maybe all the platinum is blinding me, but I've always seen them spending their days playing guitars behind an earthenware pottery shop on a California beach. Not clocking into any lunchroom.

If you want to talk blue collar, let's talk Patsy Cline. Her greatest hits also arrived in the mail today, and I'm looking forward to listening. The beauty of Crazy knocks me out.

To the Dylan fans who offered suggestions here about starter albums, your suggestions were in the BMG box as well: The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan, Blonde on Blonde and Highway 61 Revisted. You got me diving. Blood on the Tracks has a spot reserved next to them here, whenever BMG picks up the CD/SACD.

Spinning now is the CD player is Appalachia Waltz, with classical instrumentalists including Yo-Yo Ma taking on traditional Texas fiddle music. The playing's a bit restrained, at least probably more than traditional Texas fiddling; but the sound's different enough to be enjoyable on the merits of influence and interpretation.

That BMG Music Club has me by the ears, I know. The key is to make sure one works the system, not the other way around. The club's prices hit the mark every few months, and then there are actual deals to be had. Let me know if I can enjoin you. Until then, tell me which album I should listen to first, Vienna's Best of New Year's Concert or Nirvana's Nevermind?

Thoughts?