Why you should always pick up a local paper
When you're on vacation.
Because maybe the paper will be a weekly. Because maybe the size will be old school web, a million inches across. Because maybe the headlines and bylines will be centered. Because maybe the front page will misspell "Cooking Light "as "Cooling Light" in 30-point type. Because maybe you'll have to check the spelling of "misspell." Because maybe the front page will show a two-woman band with a funny name and describe them as "so hot on Sunday that even the dogs were howling their approval."
Because maybe everyone in the town will love exclamation points. Because maybe an obit will say a young man "died unexpectedly" and leave it at that. Because maybe the local Radio Shack will advertise having all — all underlined — of the local comedian's CDs and DVDs. Because maybe you'll discover a crime called "Negotiate a Worthless Instrument," which may be writing a bad check.
Because maybe you'll find the son of the Wicked Witch of the West hosting an Oz screening at the only movie screen in town. Because maybe you'll see a photo of an anti-war rally and the caption will begin "Candlelight vigil was attended" and conclude with no mention of war. Because maybe the paper will run Andy Rooney's column. And Andy Rooney will write about "something called 'Expedia.com'" and end with his Yahoo e-mail address, aarooney5.
September 25th, 2007 at 9:31 PM
At my first paper, one local funeral home was a little less than reliable on disclosing cause of death. We had a case in which two cars went back and forth shooting at each other like some perverse medieval joust. One guy finally managed to take out the other driver, who then slammed into a nearby building to reinforce his imminent death.
Funeral home's obit: "Natural causes."
Sure. He had a bullet in his head and slammed into a building, so naturally, he died.