Someone out there, someone I know, hates the Auto Train with an almighty passion. His or her Auto Train dreams fall well short when riding. The cars aboard the train! The movie theater! The scenery of the Eastern seaboard. To this person, they are all a disaster.

Unfortunately, I have no idea who this person may be. We've shared a conversation about the hate, about some failed journey, but I've since been unable to remember that person's identity or track down him or her. I've asked multiple people with no luck.

So, I share with you a link I've now saved for four months in hopes of giving to that never-again rider. I'm calling off the search. I give you the most glowing story ever written about the Auto Train in the history of time, "One (REALLY) Big, Really Happy Family: The Auto Train — Where Relative Strangers Become Relatives."

One more thing
I was planning to end the post there — Auto Train, ha! — until I started wondering about the math. Along with everyone else, teeth gritted, I set personal records for gas costs last week — $3.99/gallon, with a full fill-up running $59.87. It felt okay to still be under $4 and $60, but saving the reciept as a memory felt weird.

About the Auto Train math, how does it stand versus driving these days? As well as you might expect, turns out. In the past, if I'm one person driving D.C. to Florida, the only cost to compare is a few meals and a night's lodging — maybe $150, half my Auto Train coach cost.

But $4 gas makes it interesting. In the 810 miles between D.C. (or nearby Lorton, Va.) and Sanford, Fla. (or nearby Orlando), my 28 highway mpg car in $4/gal world can expect at least $118 at the pump. If gas goes to $5, I'm looking at $145 at least.

Obviously, the cost dynamics for either method of travel change depending on the size and ages of your traveling party, their accommodation needs and the size of your car. But — good move for Amtrak — for a limited time, they're letting kids ride for free this summer, knocking down what has to be a huge cost-factor within their potential customer base. I still think anyone's crazy for falling in love with Auto Train, but it's sure getting harder to hate on it.

Fine, one more thing
I was disappointed to miss National Train Day at Union Station this month. I mean, have your picture taken with Al Roker? Have your picture taken in a stick-your-head-in cutout? Prizes? Model trains? Local sports mascots? Tours of old and new modes of transport? A simulator? How mind-blowing is a train simulator? Now that we don't have to shovel coal (Nintendo, have I got an idea for you), what in the world does a train simulator involve? Go forward faster! Go forward slower! Slowly halt! I have no idea. But you get the picture. It was practically National Patrick Day.

Yes, there was also a Sara Bareilles concert there. (Flickr video: "An interpreter puts the right amount of sass into signing a Sara Bareilles song.") Good for Bareilles and all, she's a cool success story and seems like a fine person, but I'm not running out to buy her album. I don't even have the patience to get through the Love Song video on the digital music channels. But I've developed this thing where I sing along with the chorus on the car radio and replace alternating personal pronouns with my name. As in "Patrick Cooper's not gonna write you a love song 'cause Patrick Cooper asked for it."

Try it with your name. If you have similar middling feelings for the song and spend too much time commuting without satellite radio, it's going to rock your world. Trust me. Offer not guaranteed beyond one minute.

trackback / comment rss feed