Vegas showgirls as conductors
Neil mentions a BMW: "The new 135i is uglier than a Radcliffe glee club, but it's also fierce, fervid, delicious, a bottle of Bollinger that's lost its cork." Neil discusses the Prius: "Public transportation? Please. We could hire Las Vegas showgirls as conductors and people still wouldn't take light rail." Neil reviews the new Dodge Ram: "Perhaps you're eyeing the overhead beam in the basement, wondering whether it will hold your dangling, strangling weight. Perhaps the muzzle of that .44 magnum is looking oh-so-flavorful. Perhaps that cross-town bus roaring down the street seems less like public transportation and more like a 30,000-pound cure for what ails you." Neil mocks Venza's name: "How about 'Camrelco,' since the Venza looks like a cross between a Camry and a Norelco shaver for your personal area? Remingtry?"
Clarkson writes about punishment and the Mazda6 Sport: "The worst punishment I was ever given was being ordered to write 1,000 words on the inside of a ping pong ball. It was hell. Strangely, however, while it seemed to have absolutely no point at the time, it has come in very handy this week. Because writing 1,000 words on the inside of a table tennis ball means I am well placed to write 1,000 words on the Mazda6 Sport. In fact, I've written 862 and I haven't even started yet."
Clarkson reviews an Alfa Romeo: "Have you noticed something odd about Rolexes? Especially the modern ones that wind automatically when you move your wrist about? A great many owners wear them on their right hand. I jump to no conclusions here but you can feel free."
Clarkson reviews the new Range Rover TDV8 Vogue SE: "You can even have something called a VentureCam — a wireless hand-held camera that feeds its picture to the sat nav screen on the dash. The idea is that you hang it out of the window while driving off-road so you can see what the terrain directly ahead of the wheels is like. However, since its docking port is in the passenger footwell, it can also be used for looking up your wife's skirt. And trust me, you aren't offered that facility in any other car I've driven."
