The bizarro Blessed Sacrament
I've been waiting 20 years for this post. You grow up down the street from Blessed Sacrament, go to grade school there, go to church there, and you're eventually gonna hear about the other Blessed Sacrament.
At a young age, you know such a place exists in Virginia, the land on the other side of the river where people get lost. You don't know this directly, but the confusion of all the people who hear where you go to school and think you live in Virginia has told you it exists. Somewhere in Virginia, there is a school with the same name as yours. Somewhere out in Virginia, there is a bizarro school with a bizarro Patrick Cooper.
ELAINE: Bizarro Jerry?
JERRY: Yeah. Like Bizarro Superman. Superman's exact opposite, who lives in the backwards bizarro world. Up is Down. Down is Up. He says "Hello" when he leaves, "Good bye" when he arrives.
ELAINE: Shouldn't he say "Bad bye"? Isn't that the, opposite of "Good bye"?
Tonight, I went there. I finally went to the other Blessed Sacrament. In Virginia! Blew my freakin' 10-year-old mind. Great friend Jen (ever the reporter, in the parking lot afterward, "Damn, I just said 'fucked up' in the church parking lot") goes to church there sometimes, so we went for Ash Wednesday. The church in my neighborhood has led to parking disasters and thus not-going disasters the last two Ash Wednesdays, and the promise of seeing bizarro Blessed Sacrament sealed the deal.
The report: Bizzaro Blessed Sacrament is bizzaro Blessed Sacrament.
The District version, mine, is all about themes. The Virginia version is straight plot. (The homily featured promos for confession and Mass times.) The District version keeps the lights low. Virginia keeps all the lights on. District nave is smaller than it looks. Virginia nave is bigger than it looks. District has obstructed views. Virginia, everyone in the whole church turns around to look at you when you walk in. District, minimal tasty heritage Latin everyone knows. Virginia, deep-cut Latin. (If four years of high school Latin didn't learn me on the Sanctus, the Archdiocese of Arlington sure isn't going to. The Our Father, Holy Mary, Aeneid, Roman Robert Frost and horny Catullus were good, thanks.) District, music whenever possible. Virginia, whenever was necessary.
So glad I went. Good to be back for the ashes, good to know Blessed Sacrament D.C. still rocks and Virginia is still the land on the other side of the river where people get lost, good to have a friend and bizarro.
February 18th, 2010 at 8:01 AM
Back when I actually went to church, I was big on St. Charles Borromeo in Arlington — a church that actually got me to go back to Catholic Mass for a while, which was no small accomplishment. And then I had to take pre-marital classes at Our Lady of Lourdes in Arlington (because that's where the classes were held on the weekend we could take them). The priest walked in, started talking about 'fornication' (a word I hadn't heard since grade school), told all of the Protestants/nonbelievers that they were welcome but hey, the Catholic Church is the one and only True Church and they needed to accept taht, and it just got worse and worse from there. I stopped going to Mass again shortly after that.
February 18th, 2010 at 8:53 AM
Well, Virginia… When I go to Red Lobster, I want my soul to be ready.
February 19th, 2010 at 12:46 AM
dude, i've heard the Sanctus in latin once at BS and once elsewhere. no one's going to learn it if no one is using it… oh well. hail vernacular!