In Stone Mountain, Ga., yesterday, I spotted the readerboard of the Village Corner restaurant, bakery and tavern. One side of the readerboard advertised their Christmas specials. The other side, which could have held six lines of text, gave passing drivers a simpler, more direct message: "BREAD."

-A while back, Megan sent me this squirrel-related story. Ten points to the BBC headline writer.

-From Retrocrush: Music for the ribs

-From Retrocrush: Music for the ever-changing English language

-From Retrocrush: Music for the drug-free

-From Retrocrush: Music for the Coopers

-Put video cameras and Legos together, and you get a whole lot of these movies.

-Someone had to make it: The Alex Trebek Bushy Hair Page.

-In case you haven't noticed, the weblog of Medill MSJ '02 Stevie Kuenn has joined the links list.

Now this could only happen to a guy like me and only happen in a town like this. Sick of grits and CNN food court meals, I broke down and ordered Pizza Hut's new "Chicago Dish" pizza. It was as pitiful as you can imagine. The pizza failed to live up to Chicago's Sears Tower-high standards of style and substance. The tomatoes were weak, the cheese was limp and the crust was thick but tasteless. "So deep you'll need a fork"? No. I used a fork, but only because the utensil reminded me of better times.

Hut has managed to create a stuffed pizza lacking completely in pizzazz. In fact, this creation isn't even deserving of the two Zs already in the word "pizza." It's a pia. A pia crap.

But don't take my word for it. Let's hear what other "Chicago Dish" customers say:

-Jeremey: "Doesn't compare to Giordano's"

-Mark Johnson: "Didn't quite live up to my expectations"

-Springsteen newsgroup: "Was not impressed"

-Carol R.: "Very disappointed"

-Sabrina S.: "Maybe the first one was a flook"

-Claudia S.: "Awful"

-Victor R.: "I will not buy this pizza again"

-Carol S.: "So severely disappointed that I almost cried"

The Heart of Dixie weblog proclaimed it "YUMMY!!!!" But a Southerner's opinion on pizza is just a valid as an ugly nudist's thoughts on fashion. (The situation is probably different for good-looking nudists. I'd imagine their opinions on any subject are taken more seriously.)

A man named Gary Lindsey, however, has made the best argument against the "Chicago Dish." How has he done it? A side-by-side, photographic comparison.

-Jeremy Mullman, on the autograph signing: "Am I the only one who finds it funny that they leave the arena in the same order they walk onto the stage?"

-Captured on film, yet again.

You can always count on America to pathetically rip off itself. I stumbled across an episode of "Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place" on TV the other day. Creatively titled Two Guys, a Girl and a Softball Team, it was the episode where they start a softball team.

Near the end of the half-hour, before the inevitable denouement back at the pizza place, the show climaxed with a spoof of the ending of The Natural. It was disturbing. Luckily, I continued flipping and came across the actual ending of The Natural. It was good. For once, cable television had redeemed itself.

Why do so many movie villains have their lairs on oil rigs? Has an oil rig ever survived a movie appearance? I don't even know why the villains would get involved with an oil rig in the first place. Rigs aren't safe, logistically sound, or — as most villains seem to own only one rig — financially viable. I'd chose a mountain or cave hideout any day.

Today I saw yellow school bus with "JESUS SAVES" painted in huge letters on the side. The bus was running a red light.

The Nigerian e-mail scammers are taking a new tack in their recruiting. They're getting provocative.

A woman e-mailed me last night about the revised efforts: I NEED YOUR WILLINGNESS ASSISTANT. Due to my Willingness Assistant unexpectedly quitting on me last week, I had to interpret this sentence to mean that the sender wanted my own store of willingness. That wasn't a bad idea — good WA temps are hard to find quickly. If this woman wanted to take some of it off my hands, I was more than happy to be her assistant. Or at least consider the offer.

She came across as a successful young woman: I am MISS RACHEAL ANN, I am 26 Years old and also the chief accountant with Standard Trust Bank. Young and accomplished, eh? Not bad, I thought. Then things really got interesting: I have a transaction which I think will be of mutual benefit to both of us. In my desire for a foreign partner with whom to do this transaction, I stumbled on your contact from a business directory.

Oh my. A successful young woman wanted to find a "foreign partner" with whom to "have a transaction" for the "mutual benefit of both of us." Redundant but racy. I liked it.

Unfortunately, she went on to explain that this transcation would involve me dealing with a Nigerian "security company." They had two metal boxes filled with $45.5 million. I had to get the boxes from them. If that wasn't bad enough, she went on to explain a bunch of ground rules. Rule number five: YOU WILL NOT DISAPPEAR WITH OUR FUND AFTER YOU HAVE CLAIMED IT.

She lost me there.

Although she signed her e-mail Yours Faithfully MISS RACHEAL ANN, I knew she didn't mean it. I may be old fashioned, but I believe in people. There are some bad eggs in the world, sure; but they're a dime in a dozen box of eggs. Which is to say, pretty infrequent. And if Miss Racheal Ann couldn't trust me … then she just wasn't my kind of woman. As a great man once said, we can't build our dreams on suspicious minds.

Northwestern recently e-mailed its graduate journalism listserv about a fellowship opportunity: "The 'Forsberg Fellowship' was established in honor of the late former US ambassador to Sweden, Franklin Forsberg." To apply, an American student must suggest a project based on one of the two topics the fellowship committee has suggested.

Choice one: "Anti-Americanism in Sweden – possibly with a broader European perspective."

Choice two: "Lack of confidence in the financial markets."

If you win, you get $15,000 to live in Sweden for two months or more.

But which topic to chose? For advice, we turn now to Joan Ochi, an American who lived in Sweden for a time. She worked at the U.S. Embassy in Stockholm from 1996-1998, and later she wrote about her stay.

Some of her impressions:

About the people: "Swedes are notorious for being relatively slow to befriend foreigners."

About the restaurants: "TGIF (very expensive)"

About the groceries: "We spent close to $10 on a head of lettuce, milk, and bread, but soon forced ourselves to stop converting the bill to dollars in order to avoid going crazy."

About the morale: "The long, dark, winters, can also be hard ('SAD' is not uncommon). That said, summers–which are almost painful in their 'fleeting-ness' — are glorious. I've never been somewhere where the personalities of the people change so much between winter and summer."

We thank Joan Ochi for her remarks. To sum up: The Forsberg Fellowship will allow you to pay high prices. To reportedly unfriendly people. In a place so depressing that even the summers are painful. But of course, as in any opportunity for an American student abroad, your study will be just as rewarding as your life. Either Forsberg topic will enrich! Will you write about how much the Swedes hate you? Or about how the financial markets will keep you from ever getting a job?

Decisions, decisions. We turn back to Joan Ochi for a final tidbit:

About alcohol: "Alcohol is available only through 'Systembolaget,' government-run shops with limited opening hours (e.g. not on weekends) and is outrageously expensive."

I wonder what $15,000 can get at Systembolaget.

What is classy? Classy is a method of being. Classy is the embodying and encompassing of the finer things in life — the elegant touches that leave the rabble far below. Classy is your name and picture stuck on a bottle of discount wine.

To the jealousy of the Ivy League, the Northwestern Alumni Association is announcing the production of a "collection of fine wines, handsomely outfitted with our custom-designed Northwestern label." The first edition of the series captures distinguished University Hall in the black-and-white slendor only an old photograph can portray. Also adorning each bottle is the Northestern "N" logo. It is draped with a leaf surely born out of Eden.

In a truly righteous world, such magnificence would be sipped by no one. But worry not, wine connoisseurs. You need not go to the lengths of Fortunato to obtain these spirits. Order online and receive $10 off each case. When you check out, simply enter the discount code sans pareil: NUHE1.

And whom do we have to thank? Mr. Michael Hupf, lord of the labellers, sovereign of the sticker staff. Hailing from the rich vineyards of the Nebraska countryside, Hupf is likely a man toasted often by friends and competitors alike. His victory at the National 4-H's 1986 Turkey Barbeque Contest remains a remarkable achivement, even by today's turkey barbecuing standards. His labels celebrating Webvan's IPO continue the standard of excellence into the 21st century.

And now Northwestern has joined with him to bring its alumni the finest wines ever gently poured throughout the vast space and time reaches of the known universe. Had this offer been available at the time of Christ, the wedding party at Cana would doubtlessly have touted its Wildcat pride. Remember to order online for your $10 discount.