Promoting his new “Global Grover” segment, Sesame Street’s Grover recently told the Associated Press, “I had not even gone around the corner before. This was something extra-special.”
Well, Grover, welcome to the No-Monster-Spin Zone. I’ve got some questions for you. Sure, there’s the old saying that a monster never forgets, but is there an exception to that rule when it comes to promotion? Well, is there? Because, correct me if I’m wrong, but haven’t you previously held more than a few jobs away from Sesame Street?
Your years as a waiter and singing telegram delivery man come to mind. You don’t like to remember them, do you? All the food dropped, all the telegrams mis-delivered. And what about Super Grover? Come now, Grover, the American public aren’t fools. They know you when they see you.
And what about the musical career? Are you really going to tell me you recorded Grover Sings the Blues without ever leaving Sesame Street? As musical as Bob was, fitting a recording studio in that apartment of his would’ve been impossible. Impossible! Even today, we all know recording on the Street is bad business. No sooner do you get the record out than Prairie Dawn is over at Luis and Maria’s cybercafe putting you out of cash: Rip, mix, burn, baby!
Finally, the trip to the Alps. We all know about it, Grover. The hills were alive with the sound of music, and you ended up looking foolish. Yet, after all of these very public events, you sink to the depths of claiming you’ve never left your block of Sesame Street. What have your PR goons done to you? It’s a shame.
But here in the No-Monster-Spin Zone, we put the truth over shame. We know you, Grover. Admit it! We know you’ve been places. Near, and far.