Kraft has begun hunting for their Northwest Passage, a way to knock the trans fat out of Oreos. They got the trans out of Ritz crackers and have begun offering healthier alternatives to their top-selling, fat-child Lunchables (the old school best-seller: Pepperoni Pizza, 15 grams of fat in every kid’s box).
I’m kind of fascinated with how they might be able to accomplish their Oreo goal. I’m not food scientist or anything — I’m more of a food eater — but I can’t imagine it would be too easy. Personally, even after finding my Oreo relationship changed post-trans, I found myself buying Oreo’s from the work vending machine just a few days later. The bag was gone before I even realized what had happened.
My family has begun purchasing Newman-O’s, a blue-eyed twinkle of a creme-filled cookie. Actor Paul has added the Oreo clone to his organic cookie ranks, which also include Champion Chip Cookies and Fig Newmans. It’s hard to come up with good names these days.
Packaging is what really creates the difference between the Oreo and Butch Cassidy’s trans-free clone. Poetry on an Oreo’s box? Never. But joining Newman’s standard American Gothic picture on the Newman-O’s box is a piece of verse:
You might, m’lady tweak my nose.
You could, m’lord step on my toes.
But Heaven help those poor bozos,
who try to filch my Newman-O’s.