If you’re gonna write about toasters …

… write about toasters. Be the guy in England who’s making a toaster from scratch. How from scratch? He starts by mining the materials, with the aid of an old miner and an abandoned mine. Then he has to smelt. “For example, my first attempt to extract metal involved a chimney pot, some hair-dryers, a leaf blower, and a methodology from the 15th century…” This attempt fails, so he uses a microwave. The tale goes on, at one point prompting the question, “So are toasters ridiculous?”

Not as ridiculous as writing a NYT column titled “Attack of the Toaster Oven” when no such thing happens in that column. So disappointing.

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